I started accepting credit card orders about three years ago.  The process was:

1) Somebody takes pity on me and decides to perform a piece of mine. Hooray!!!

2) Said person emails me.  Says they want a particular piece.  They ask how to order it.

3) I write them back.  I say “you can send me a check, or you can use a credit card.”

4) They email back, saying, “credit card? That sounds easy. Let’s do that.”

5) I make them an invoice using a template on Microsoft Word. I save the invoice as a PDF. I email the invoice to them. The invoice looks something like this:

6) They get out a pen, and they fill out the bottom part of the invoice. Then they fax that invoice back to me. Did I mention that they use a pen – and a FAX MACHINE? 1997 called; they want their office suite back.

7) I log in to my credit card processing service via a secure web connection. It’s a company that does nothing but process credit card transactions. It’s not some fraud magnet like PayPal. (Why does anybody use PayPal anymore? It’s a horrible, horrible company. I used to use them, but many schools stopped using them, and then I had several transactions put “under investigation,” holding the funds for no clear reason, only to often reverse the charge. Like I said, it’s a horrible, horrible company.)

8) The charge goes through. The customer gets an email receipt. I ship the music.

9) The end.

I’ve wanted to accept credit cards right here on my website, but I didn’t know how to handle the programming. With a little design help from AEJ (who designed the whole site to begin with), some tweaks were made, and there’s a new page: Ordering. And it’s the best page that the internets have ever seen.

Thanks to this new page, the above steps become:
1) Somebody takes pity on me and decides to perform a piece of mine.
2) Said person clicks that Ordering link up at the top of the page. They add their originally desired piece to the cart, then “Continue Shopping,” adding many more pieces to their cart than they ever dreamed. “I should treat myself,” they say. “Oh, wow, I didn’t know the score for High Wire was available. I should take that, too. And the clarinet quartet version of Strange Humors? Sold!”
3) They Checkout. They key their credit card info through a secure server. I never see their info.
4) The charge goes through. The customer gets a receipt via email. I receive the order via email from the credit card company. I ship the music.
5) The end.

Doesn’t that sound super fun? You should try it! What makes a better Halloween gift than a copy of the full score of “Harvest?”

There will probably be some broken links and mis-titled pages for a few days. I need to set up redirects from all of the old pages, and that’ll take a while, but the store works right now. Hint.

Hint.

I was thinking recently that thanks to Amazon.com, it’s much easier to live as a crazy recluse than it was even 20 years ago. There was a time when to really be a recluse (the cool kind that keeps the drapes closed, and wanders the house in a silk robe), you needed to be wealthy, like Howard Hughes, but no more!  Now, whatever you need, you can pretty much get from Amazon without ever leaving your house — and without the aid of a manservant (or “valet,” for you Downton Abbey fans).

As evidence: the case of Viva Choose-A-Size paper towels that we received this afternoon from Amazon. (We insist on Choose-A-Size. We won’t be told what size paper towel we need, damn it. The Man — the Paper Towel “Standard Size” Man, that is — won’t keep us down.  Fight the power!)

Are you a conductor? Have you programmed my little 4-minute opener, “High Wire?”

No? Why are you trying to make me sad? I understand it was a consortium exclusive until October, but it’s now October. Please program it, and help me wash away my tears.